“Broken City” Movie Review – Zombie Style

The Oscar-nominated movies are getting all the attention, so I thought I would give Broken City a shot. Plus, I’m a Marky Mark Wahlberg fan. Anyway, I saw Broken City on opening night, and there were only a handful of other people in the theater. The plot was fairly interesting (dirty politicians, etc.), but the dialogue was unrealistic and didn’t always make sense. The cast was amazing, which made up for the crappy dialogue, but the action scenes left much to be desired. There was only one car chase, and it was just plain boring. I’m not saying there always has to be huge explosions or cars flying through the air, but the car chase in Broken City reminded me of an old lady running a red light and crashing into an ice cream truck (booooooorrring!!!). This isn’t a movie that you have to see in the theater; I would recommend waiting for Netflix.

Of course, being the zombie fanatic that I am, I had to insert zombies into the plot. If Broken City was a zombie movie, this is how it should have turned out:

Turn: I would have liked to see Cathleen Hostetler (played by Catherine Zeta-Jones) turn into a zombie. It would’ve been a shame to ruin her lovely face, but it’d be worth it to see her become a zombie so she could have opened up a can of zombie-whoop-ass on her slimy husband (see below).

Get Eaten: It would have been nice to watch Mayor Hostetler (played by Russell Crowe) get eaten by a zombie. I know it’s the predictable choice, but his character was such a scumbag, and it would have been so satisfying to see him get torn apart by a ravenous zombie.

Kill: I would have liked to see Billy Taggart (played by Mark Wahlberg) kill a zombie. I could be wrong, but I don’t remember his character killing anyone in this movie. I’m so used to seeing Mark Wahlberg slay people in his movies, and it really threw me off that he didn’t kill anybody in this one (at least, not that I remember). Sure, he beat up a few people, and he was involved in the world’s slowest car chase, but the movie would have been ten times better if his character had killed a zombie or two.

I give Broken City 2.5 out of 5 Brains.

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