“The Heat” Movie Review – Zombie Style

Melissa McCarthy is now my idol. I always knew she was funny, but she really shined in The Heat. Every single thing she said was funny. That’s not an exaggeration. Every word that came out of her mouth was hilarious. I was almost in tears because I was laughing so hard. The story is really interesting too, and it’s not totally predictable (like so many other cop movies). I really thought I had the plot figured out from the beginning, but there’s actually a twist near the end that completely caught me off guard. From the previews, I wasn’t positive I would like this movie, but I was way off. When The Heat comes out on DVD, I’m going to snap up a copy right away!

Even though The Heat wasn’t a zombie movie (sigh), it’s definitely on my top ten movie list right now. Naturally, being the zombie fanatic that I am, I had to insert zombies into the plot. I decided which character I would have wanted to turn into a zombie, which character I would’ve wanted to get eaten by zombies, and which one should have killed a zombie. If The Heat was a zombie movie, this is how it should have turned out:

Turn: I would have liked to see Ashburn (played by Sandra Bullock) turn into a zombie. She was a total badass in the movie (she actually shot a guy in his junk – twice), but she needed to loosen up a bit. I think if she turned into a zombie, she would have been able to relax. A little shuffling around with flesh hanging from her mouth would’ve made her seem more chill.

Get Eaten: I would have wanted to see Peter Mullins (played by Joey McIntyre) get eaten by a zombie. You might be thinking, “Hmm…Joey McIntyre…that name sounds familiar.” Yep, that’s because he’s one of The New Kids on the Block. When I noticed McIntyre at the Mullins’ dinner table, I leaned over to my spouse and whisper-yelled, “Holy crap! That’s a New Kid!” I had no idea he was an actor, but he did a really good job (he had a great Boston accent). But I still feel like I have to nominate him as the poor soul who gets devoured by zombies. Sorry, dude. Tell Donnie I said “Hi!”

Kill: Obviously, I would have liked to see Mullins (played by Melissa McCarthy) kill a zombie. She was by far the best character in the movie. She was such a smartass, but she was also an amazing cop. Mullins wasn’t afraid of anything, and I would have loved to see her decimate a zombie. I feel like she could have torn apart a zombie with her bare hands (or her vicious sarcasm). She was a Russian roulette playing, phonebook throwing, whiskey drinking badass. I absolutely loved her!

I give The Heat 5 out of 5 brains.

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